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Slouch

by Kicksie

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1.
Closure 03:25
it’s only fair that i get closure probably think ur so funny i’m dead, yes tried to erase what i wrote out with pen, yes whatever happened to when we were friends, yes things could be better now but i won’t check no the leaves on all the trees left to die the branches block the streets where i drive it always seems so pointless to cry i never get my answers and why? i’m not a punching bag, i’m not target practice i’m not expendable, and i’m not your friend ANYMORE let me pretend that never happened struck down in battle but at least i fought, right? harvest my body and leave it to rot, right? i’m just an insect u needed to swat, right? buzz in ur ears til i’m caught but i don’t wanna die yet this is confirmation shell was once a person ur an abberation always saw it coming just a matter of when emotional violence go, get it over with the leaves on the trees left to die the branches block streets where i drive it always seems pointless to cry i never get answers and why? i’m not a dog that you force to do tricks i’m not controlled by any government i’m not a pawn in your dumb game of chess i’m not a host there for you to possess i’m not a punching bag, i’m not target practice i’m not expendable, and i’m not your friend
2.
You're On 03:53
shape of a friend but just the silhouette and don’t u get too close ‘cause i don’t wanna know what’s under it by definition this is all transaction and don’t u try to stall or hit me with a blue shell just to win well you’re on tonight, you’re on tonight you’re on tonight, you’re on you’re on tonight, you’re on tonight you’re on tonight, you’re on you’re on woah, chill out talking bout all this and all that but u never move forward and woah, chill out wanna prove me wrong with the right words yeah, wrong with the right words nose in the air ‘cause ur the best one there and nobody knows what they’re missing but reality’s not fair hallucinate like you do every day my name is bitter in your mouth but you pretend to like the taste well you’re on tonight, you’re on tonight you’re on tonight, you’re on you’re on tonight, you’re on tonight you’re on tonight, you’re on you’re on woah, chill out talking bout all this and all that but u never move forward and woah, chill out wanna prove me wrong with the right words yeah, wrong with the right words where is ur god? they must be quiet today today or every day and it’s ur fault how can ur prayers be heard when u put in none of the work get mad at me or use me to get what u want check off none of the above where is ur god? they must be quiet today they must be quiet today they must be quiet today woah, chill out talking bout all this and all that but u never go forward and woah, chill out wanna prove me wrong with the right words yeah, wrong with the right words
3.
Boyfriend 02:56
who does she go to when ur out of line who takes her out when ur asleep at night who lets her in when u don’t have the time who’s gonna tell this guy ‘cause im the girl that ur boyfriend is worried about see it in his eyes every time we hang out we both know who’s winning we can fight if u want to in ur dreams ill haunt u don’t be so insecure if u really loved her then u would’ve done better oh, better i’m better oh, better i’m better she’s been stuck in my head and i just pretend u never existed she hangs up when u fight then thinks about life with me and her instead she dances in her room while i’m on her bed and u aren’t missed and if u just had a clue the things that we do i know u’d be pissed and im the girl that ur boyfriend is worried about see it in his eyes every time we hang out we both know who’s winning we can fight if u want to in ur dreams ill haunt u don’t be so insecure if u really loved her then u would’ve done better (coulda done, coulda done better) oh, better (coulda done, coulda done better) i’m better (coulda done, coulda done better) oh, better (coulda done, coulda done better) i’m better (coulda done, coulda done better) oh, better (coulda done, coulda done better) i’m better (coulda done, coulda done better) oh, better (coulda done, coulda done) i’m better im the girl that ur boyfriend is worried about see it in his eyes every time we hang out we both know who’s winning we can fight if u want to in ur dreams ill haunt u don’t be so insecure he’s worried, yeah, i got it covered aw, he’s worried, yeah, that she’s in love he’s worried, yeah, i got it covered aw, he’s worried, yeah, ‘cause she’s in love
4.
Arcade 02:37
take u to the arcade where we’ll complain about work and u’ll invade the space in my brain oh it hurts when u walk away from the campaign and i’m just staring ‘cause if i follow u it’s obvious i never really had to prove it u could’ve been the one and i knew it i liked u better in my head where i decide who u are and two birds of a feather should not flock together eyes like u have no idea til u see her hands tied, but if u ruin my perfect world i’d thank u for ur service and hey, aren’t i lucky to know someone who paid attention for a while? i never really had to prove it u could’ve been the one and i knew it i liked u better in my head where i decide who u are and two birds of a feather should not flock together two birds of a feather should not flock together two birds of a feather should not flock together i never really had to prove it u could’ve been the one and i knew it i liked u better in my head where i decide who u are and two birds of a feather should not flock together
5.
Sinking In 03:20
i’m not doing so hot these days damn, guess isolation got hands will u ever stop gripping my neck will u ever stop breaking my back there’s no escape that i can see damn, i gave up so easily sinking in my bedsheets at night slouching ‘cause i lost all my height this isn’t what i meant when i said i wanted something new either way i’m screwed this isn’t what i meant when i said i wanted something new either way i’m screwed OH NO! why can’t i steer back on the rails? damn, i feel like that ship has sailed had it once but i let it go sun, moon and stars all lost their glow hate this exhausting sensation damn, how long can i overextend? not surprised by my fragile health predisposed to feel overwhelmed this isn’t what i meant when i said i wanted something new either way i’m screwed this isn’t what i meant when i said i wanted something new either way i’m screwed OH NO!
6.
yyyy 02:33
everything’s wrong tell me why why why why did i plant a whole forest just for u to start a fire did i bake us both bread to hold my mouth open for crumbs and oh weight of our woes have splintered all my bones tell me why why why why tell me why why why why tell me why why why why tell me why why why why everything’s wrong tell me why why why why did i waste all that gas if u didn’t want the ride did i sweep up the glass so you walk on the floor i had my mind in control until u took it by force tell me why why why why tell me why why why why tell me why why why why tell me why why why why
7.
cling to u at the show pull u out of the cold warm u up in my car drop u off after dark well do u see another option for us? ‘cause i’m just ur commitment but ur more and how will i forget u when the night ends? ‘cause ur sleeping peacefully and i’m bored don’t u wish i was somebody else? don’t u wish i was somebody else? don’t u wish i was somebody else? anyone else oh i know it, i know it i know it, oh i know kill me now, pretty please leave me in a heartbeat break me up into crumbs hold me under ur thumb well do u see another option for us? ‘cause i am just a campsite but ur home and how will i forget u when it’s over? ‘cause ur so indecisive and i’m sure is it the shirt that im wearing? is it my intake of caffeine? are u not into the hair dye? is it the grass stains on my jeans? is it my personality? is it the constant panicking? do i not make u feel alive? is there just something that’s missing? is it just something about me? don’t u wish i was somebody else? don’t u wish i was somebody else? don’t u wish i was somebody else? anyone else?
8.
Hear Me Out 02:45
i know that there’s traffic, but that’s not the point i wanna stop time and be stuck with u i get it now please, hear me out it isn’t that easy just dropping u off i’m falling in love, what more do u want? i get it now please, hear me out was all of it worth it, did u have ur fill? u know that this killed i get it now please, hear me out i knew there was traffic, but that’s not the point i wanted more time i get it now
9.
Go-Getter 03:04
i bet i was cool for the summer wasn’t i? part of ur plan to waste 3 months of time i’m sure u don’t care or whatever, am i right? complicate art just to imitate life for someone so pretty the way that u acted was shockingly ugly taught me a lesson now i won’t forget it i bet that ur bed is always a mess and there’s dirt at ur doorstep there’s blood on ur hands say it with ur chest that i’m just decoration get out ur frustrations on me saw urself out before i could enter i get it girl, whatever, whatever well ur closed off and i’m a go-getter and i thought u were perfect but i should’ve known better and i thought u were perfect but i should’ve known better i should’ve known better do i have a note saying “leave me” on my back feels like everyone but me gets to laugh you know i was cool with being an open tab im just not manic pixie enough for that for dreams that were vivid the reality is more lacking in color no saturation, and i don’t have patience to put on ur shoes and tie up the laces or find a replacement my cards are all hearts and urs are all aces i’m always last place and i’m right where u want me to be saw urself out before i could enter i get it girl, whatever, whatever well ur closed off and i’m a go-getter and i thought u were perfect but i should’ve known better and i thought u were perfect but i should’ve known better i should’ve known better
10.
Jaws 03:13
run from my moral obligations no downtime ’til i’m separated can’t take a load off my mental weight been at this so long that i forgot what for i think with my heart and not my mind for sure so drained that i swear i could hibernate i wish it was the way it was i’ll wait for u to close ur jaws i’ll wait, you won’t, ha ha i wanted u close i’ll wait, ha ha u won’t i’d poke the bear but i would get bit u’d take me out if u could commit wash away evidence of my remains been pacing my bedroom going back and forth breaking up the tiles that were on the floor no resolution, i’m wracking my brain i wish it was the way it was i’ll wait for u to close ur jaws i’ll wait, you won’t, ha ha i wanted u close i’ll wait, ha ha u won’t i’ll wait for you to close ur jaws (i wish u would, i wish u would) i’ll wait for you to close ur jaws (i wish u would, i wish u would) i’ll wait for you to close ur jaws (i wish u would, i wish u would) i wish it was the way it was i’ll wait for u to close ur jaws i’ll wait, you won’t, ha ha i wanted u close i’ll wait, ha ha u won’t
11.
nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess oh, you don’t see people, no u just see numbers and oh, you don’t know my name but could list all my failures oh, agony’s a daily encounter and oh, searched for my answers but i never found her and i’ll shut up for you so we can get along and I apologize even when I’m not wrong I’ll trip on my hurdles if you want the gold make a fool of myself to be part of your show nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess oh, is it just me? am i just a burden? and oh, everyone leaves and i’m left uncertain oh, do what i can to stop it from hurting and oh, a choice that’ll cost me my favourite person I’ll stay naive ‘cause it keeps me happier I’ll show up a mess, so you feel prettier At the end of your day, you won’t have a clue That at the end of my life, i’ll have lived it for you nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess nothing matters anyway, whatever i guess

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released April 14, 2023

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Kicksie Toronto, Ontario

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